Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
