just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
