Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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