I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
