Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
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