Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
