I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
