I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
