I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
