I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
