so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
