I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
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