I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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