She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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