drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
