she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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