OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
