Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
