Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Randomize
