Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
