please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
