so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
