I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
