This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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