Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
