We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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