My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
