Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
