There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
