why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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