I can text with my tongue
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
