dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
