She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
