Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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