the condom got lost in my hair
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
