No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
