My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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