Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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