I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
