You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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