Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Less talking, more tequila
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
