I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
