You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
