I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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