I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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