walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
