Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
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