Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
