at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
