Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
